ConfessionOfABrokenHeart

Author: Liza C.

Title:

onfession of a Broken Heart

Chapter 1

What in the hell had just happened?

Stunned, Josh sat staring at the doors to the hotel lobby

where Donna had just disappeared.

She couldn't think, she wouldn't think... that he'd

rejected her, would she? It had all happened so fast.

One moment Donna had been looking at him, a really

amazing look-- had she ever been more beautiful? A

smoldering look that, in all honesty, was probably a

mirror of the way he'd been looking at her. Then she

was slipping him the key, taking one last sip of her wine,

and was gone, leaving him to stare after her retreating

form in wonder and befuddlement.

Did that key mean what he thought it meant? She

wasn't asking him to come up and… maybe refill her ice

buckets, was she? No, of course it meant what he

thought it meant. Donna was… Donna was

propositioning him. Probably for sex. No, most assuredly

for sex. Sex with Donna. He felt his whole body respond

instinctually at that thought.

But that look she'd just given him. Donna Moss had just

propositioned him for sex and it was quite possible that

she was currently under the very erroneous assumption

that he'd said no. If that's what she thought, then there

was quite a good chance that this might be one more

moment that slipped away from them, this time maybe

for good…

"Oh, hell, no," Josh muttered under his breath and

quickly jumped to his feet.

"What?" Bram looked up at him in confusion.

Josh, startled by Bram's question, glanced at him as he

tried to collect his thoughts. "I have a…uh… something

important… something very important. We'll see you all

bright and early in the morning."

Before anyone could say another word Josh shrugged his

backpack over his shoulder and rushed off in the

direction of the hotel lobby.

***

Donna stared straight ahead as she waited for the

elevator. Edie was keeping up a running commentary

about the logistics for tomorrow's trip to San Diego, but

Donna wasn't listening. By rote she nodded her head

once or twice and uttered an obligatory "uh huh" so it

appeared that she was listening, but it was all for show.

Her mind was otherwise occupied. Glancing down, she

realized her hands were shaking. Actually physically

shaking. And there was a pit the size of a black hole

swirling in her stomach. What had just happened?

It had taken an hour to work up the nerve to do that.

Heck, who was she kidding? It had taken years to work

up the nerve. It was a moment nine years in the

making. And now what… it turned out that all the

reasons she’d never made a move were valid? Was it

really just another odd moment meant to be ignored and

she hadn't followed protocol? Mortification bubbled from

a fountain deep in her soul.

Who was she to try some grand romantic gesture? With

Josh of all people! The worst part was the humiliation of

having her romantic gesture thrown back in her face. It

was bad enough to be turned down, but to be turned

down after such an overt gesture? 'Hi, Josh, do you want

to have sex with me? No… okay.' Her face flushed. She

just needed to get to her room and… maybe hide under

the covers. Because she was pretty sure the symptoms

of a broken heart were going to start rearing their ugly

head in short order.

She should have known he'd reject her. Except… should

she have known that? It didn't completely add up. The

way he'd looked at her; she'd felt that look all the way

down to her toes. And the kiss. The kiss was what had

emboldened her in the first place, of course. Just the

memory of his lips on hers caused her to heat from

within. She felt a wave of butterflies hit her gut as she

remembered the way his hands had caressed her neck

and his fingers had traced her jaw, the way his body felt

pressed firmly against hers. It was a really good kiss.

The kiss all others in her life would now be measured

against. She'd never been kissed quite like that before,

but part of that might have been how very much she

wanted the man who was doing the kissing. She shook

her head; going down that path at the moment was not

going to help. She just needed to get to her room where

she could be alone and figure things out, but she also

had to concentrate on her current surroundings. What

was she doing again? Right, talking to Edie.

"Uh huh," Donna muttered automatically.

"What?" Edie looked over at her quizzically.

"What?" Donna shifted her eyes to finally focus on the

other woman.

"You just said 'uh huh.' What were you uh-huhing to?"

Edie asked with a cocked eyebrow.

Crap. Apparently Edie had stopped talking, but Donna

hadn't stopped pretending to listen.

"Uh… the elevator’s here," Donna pointed out a little too

gleefully. Thankfully, just then, the elevator doors did

indeed open. Once inside, she focused all her attention

on selecting her floor from among the buttons, as if the

elevator control panel were as complicated as NASA

mission control.

Just as the doors were about to close she felt, more than

saw, someone rush in and take a spot next to her in the

elevator. Even with the movement Donna didn't take her

eyes off the control panel. She just needed to get to her

room. However, her pointed concentration was disturbed

a split-second later when she heard Edie say, "Oh, Josh,

done with the bar so soon?"

At the mention of his name, Donna instantly stiffened,

but after a second she slowly and surely turned. The

other occupant of the elevator—a backpack-wielding

male with reddish brown hair-- was twisted towards

Edie. But indeed it was Josh. In the flesh. In the

elevator. With her.

"I was… you know, I have some… important... very

important … uh… business."

As he spoke, Donna felt something bump against her arm

and glanced down. She watched Josh's arm slide down

her sleeve until the back of his hand was pressed lightly

against the back of hers. A second later, she felt him

hook his little finger around her little finger and lightly

squeeze. In a moment, everything was right with her

world and made sense. Her heart flipped in her chest

and then began to beat in a wild rhythm.

She concentrated on the feel of his hand against hers,

she reveled in the connection of their linked fingers, but

as her head began to clear she came back to earth long

enough to realize that a conversation was still happening

right next to her. A conversation that she should

probably give her attention.

"…didn't you have time for at least one celebratory

drink? It's definitely a night for celebratory drinks."

"Uh, no, I couldn't really wait another minute to conduct

this… business. Wouldn't want the person I need to

conduct the business with to think that I don't want to…

conduct the business that is… because I do." At that he

squeezed her pinkie again, and Donna had to bite her lip

to stifle a smile.

"Oh… sounds important. Anything you need help with?"

Edie asked Josh eagerly and cluelessly.

"NO!" Josh replied quickly. At Edie's taken-aback look,

he smiled. "No, thank you, this is something… only I can

do."

Despite her efforts to stop it, Donna felt a huge grin

spread across her face, but in a millisecond she schooled

her expression into one of nonchalance. There would be

time for huge smiles in just a few minutes. However,

she'd never wanted to be alone with someone in an

elevator more in her entire life. Sufficed to say, she

squeezed his pinkie back.

The doors opened and all three of them hastily got out.

Donna had been so blissfully relieved and excited that

she hadn't really thought about where they were going

from here, and apparently neither had Josh, for that

matter. His concern, first and foremost, had been

getting to Donna, but that's where his design for what

happened next, came to a screeching, end-of-the rail halt.

"What are you doing?" Edie asked quizzically.

"What do you mean?" Donna responded a bit defensively.

"Not you. Josh. You're not on this floor, are you? Aren't

you three floors up?"

"Uh…" That was an excellent question, because indeed

this was not his floor. He forced himself to try and think.

The result of this concentrated effort was, "Ice."

"What?" Edie asked.

"Ice… uh… I think I will have a celebratory drink and, you

know… I went for ice when we checked in and the

machine on my floor is… um… broken, so I thought I'd

stop on your floor for… ice."

"Oh."

"I do business better when I have ice." By the grace of

the whatever high atop the thing, Edie seemed to accept

that and the three of them continued walking. Quickly,

Josh worked at formulating a new plan. He was good at

plans. He'd built his career on being able to devise and

execute plans. This plan was simple and he came up with

impressive speed; find the ice machine and hide there

until the coast was clear. Of course, if this plan didn't

seem exactly impressive considering his pedigree, Josh

forgave himself. After all it was hard to make a plan, let

alone think straight, when Donna was walking right next

to him. Occasionally, her shoulder grazed his, and he

couldn't stop staring at the soft wispy ends of her hair.

He really wanted to run his hands through that hair.

When they'd kissed that morning her hair had been back,

so he hadn't really been able to touch it. But next time,

things would be different. The thought of next time

made his pulse quicken.

"What are you going to put it in?" Edie asked a moment

later.

"Huh??" Josh shook his head in order to try and focus.

"Oh…what am I going to put what in?"

"The ice," Edie clarified.

"What ice?"

"You said you were on our floor for ice. You need a way

to carry it back to your room."

"Right… the ice… um," Josh gulped nervously, before

blurting, "My pockets?"

At that Donna choked on some air she'd been, you know,

breathing, and stopped walking. But she managed to

gasp, "You're going to put ice in your pockets?"

"Yes." Josh turned to give her a pointed stare, a stare

that was supposed to admonish her for making fun when

she should have been helping him. After all, they were in

this together, weren't they? But once he was looking

into her eyes, he forgot he was supposed to be

admonishing her and was mesmerized. It was the first

time they'd really looked at each other since the bar. His

breath hitched in his throat and the corners of his mouth

twitched upwards. She was always beautiful, but

tonight… tonight she was beyond that.

"Isn't that a little… gross?" Donna bantered. She

congratulated herself for being able to joke, because as

she said it she was looking into his eyes, his rich, melty

brown eyes. Eyes that were saying they wanted her.

How could she have ever doubted?

"The… uh… the ice… will only be in my pocket a minute…"

"And messy?" Donna continued while giving him a

teasing, yet seductive, smile.

"I'll make do." Josh bugged his eyes out at her and it

took everything she had not to laugh out loud.

Donna shook her head, but didn't stop giving him that

smile and it made his heart melt and his groin jump.

From now on, he would think of it as his smile. The one

she reserved just for him. With a tinkle in her eye she

suggested, "Why don't you borrow the ice bucket from

my room?"

"Better idea," Edie piped up. "I think I saw two ice

buckets in my room. You can take one of mine."

Josh was going to kill his staff, one by one, starting with

Edie and then followed by Ronna, if they didn't stop

interfering.

"I wouldn't want to impose." Josh tried to sound terse,

but his refusal came out rather feebly.

"No, we're right here." Edie motioned to where she was

standing, in front of her hotel room door, and quickly slid

her key into the lock.

Donna shook her head, and her voice was tinged with

urgency. "No, really, it's okay, he can have my bucket."

"But I have two, and you only have one, what if you

need yours tonight?"

"I don't need ice. I never need ice. I like my drinks

warm."

Edie laughed dismissively. "Don't be silly, if I have two

there's no reason for one of us to go without."

With a sinking feeling Josh just watched the two women

going back and forth, fighting over his ice bucket;

unfortunately, Donna seemed to be losing.

Before Donna could say another word, Edie had emerged

from her room with a silver ice bucket in her hands.

"You're in luck, the extra bucket is already filled with ice;

the maids must have filled it during their turndown

service." Edie handed him the bucket and then stood in

the hallway looking between the two of them.

Josh stared down into the ice bucket, it was full alright.

Currently, he really hated ice. And his staff. "Okay, well,

um… I've got my ice… so I'll see you two in the

morning." He shot Donna what could only be described

as a wistful look, but Edie didn't seem to notice.

As he reluctantly turned to go, he heard Donna implore

Edie, "Can you take two minutes and show me the

revised schedule for California that you sent out? I was...

um… I was having trouble viewing the document on my

Blackberry."

"Sure," Edie chirped and turned back into her room

before calling out, "Josh, do you want to see it too?"

Not knowing what else to do, Josh was about to answer

in the affirmative when Donna pressed a small envelope

into his palm and answered for him. "He doesn't need to

see it; he'll go where we tell him. Good night, Josh."

She stepped into Edie's room and turned back to give a

bumfuzzled Josh a shy smile and a small nod of her head

down the hall, then disappeared into Edie's room, the

door closing behind her.

Josh found himself a lone man with a bucket of ice and a

small envelope, an envelope that contained an explicit,

amazing invitation from Donna. He shook the envelope

and let the key bounce onto his palm. Grinning like an

idiot, he stood for only a few seconds before walking

quickly to the room next door. With a bit of

apprehension—he wasn't sure of the number so he hoped

he'd read Donna's nod correctly-- he slipped the key into

the lock. With ease the key moved the tumblers and he

was able to slip into her room.

Once in Donna's room, his first order of business was to

set the ice bucket down. Right next to Donna's own

brimming bucket of ice. Now what should he do? This

was Donna's room! Nervously, he surveyed his

surroundings. The room looked like his upstairs, but

there were a few Donna touches. Her navy suitcase sat

unzipped, but closed on the luggage rack. Her coat, with

its distinctive pink and yellow lines lay, folded across the

back of a chair and as he took all of it in, suddenly it

struck him.

This was it. He was in Donna's room to make whatever

was destined to happen with he and Donna, happen. It

was go time. An emotional tidal wave filled with

anticipation, desire, relief, excitement, joy and maybe a

little fear washed through him. Nine years of waiting and

wanting and denying and there had been a time in the

not too distant past when the door to their potential had

seemed closed for good. The enormity of what was about

to happen swirled around him. If this failed somehow,

that was it. He would probably lose her, and every

aspect of their relationship, for good. That thought sent

a stabbing pain right through his heart.

Was the reward worth the risk?

He shrugged out of his suit jacket, folded it over the top

of hers and then sat down. He needed to figure out what

to do next.

TBC…