C R A Z Y I N L O V E

Author: Liza C. Title: Crazy in Love Rating: Mature Summary:  Josh is driven even farther towards the edge of insanity by visions of his assistant donning sexy black lingerie in preparation for kinky sex with an unworthy Republican gomer. Notes: You say bad Three's Company rip-off.  I say art.   But then again I also thought Three's Company was art… An early unbetaed story. ~WEDNESDAY 6:25pm~ Donna, disappointed that her plans for the evening had gone awry and resigned to another night spent helping Josh bone up on the finer points of urban waste management, was meandering through the bullpen when she heard a thud followed by a disquieting crash come from the general vicinity of the Communication Director's office. A certain amount of chaos was common in the West Wing of the White House.  After all it housed the Office of the President and bustled with his dedicate and energetic staff, but today there were visitors who were lending a decidedly uncommon element of chaos with their presence. Toby Ziegler a grumpy, impatient and some might even say sad guy had taken to fatherhood in a natural way that he would never have imagined himself capable.  He usually enjoyed it and actually, so far, wasn't horrible at it.  Even so he still couldn't have imagined a day when he would have been on the file strewn floor of his White House office, hands and knees on the ground, rear end in the air, trying to coax his infant son out from under his desk, while his daughter used his legs as a rudimentary jungle gym… yet that day had arrived.   When Donna arrived on the scene she tried, absolutely unsuccessful of course, to stifle a laugh. She dubiously inspecting the damage before asking, "Is everything okay in here?" "Does it look like everything is okay?"  He muttered rhetorically while trying to keep his son from putting some filthy foreign object he'd found under the desk, into his mouth. She answered anyway, "No, actually, it looks like you've got your hands full."  Once again she tried not to laugh, once again she failed. "Yes, Yes, I do."  He muttered.   "So these files all over the floor must have been the crash I heard?" She questioned. "I hit my head on the desk and it maybe knocked some files over the side…"  He grunted while hauling himself back to a sitting position. "Anything I can do to help?" "No, I don't think so." "You sure?"  She asked, as she stooped down and picked up Molly from the floor and automatically started bouncing her on one hip. "Toby, seriously what's going on, where's Andi?" "Andi is on a plane bound for God knows where.  She dropped the twins off on the way to the airport and then the Nanny was supposed to pick them up here.  Well now the Nanny can't pick them up because her idiotic excuse for a boyfriend wrecked his motorcycle. He's only broken... some body part, but she won't leave the hospital…" Toby paused for a moment and lightened the tone of his voice slightly, "No, Huck I do not want to play with Clifford the Big Red Dog right now… " He looked back up at Donna exasperated, "I've got to finish the President's address to the U.N. and show him a draft tonight because, as you know, he addresses the U.N. tomorrow.  Andrea's parents are on vacation in…" He looked back at his son who was still shoving the stuffed toy at him, "Okay, Hi Clifford, yes hello no why don't you play with Huck…"  Toby grabbed Huck and pulled him and the small stuffed red dog onto his lap before continuing, "They're vacationing in Barbados, her sister's away on business and I can't even get a hold of Andi to ask who else to call because she's… currently at a cruising altitude of 30,000 feet."   "Well for someone who doesn't need any help, you sure have a lot of problems Toby." Donna smiled at him after his diatribe ended. He just stared up at her, completely wrung out, looking mighty pathetic. "Toby, would you like me to watch the twins tonight while you finish the President's U.N. address?" She offered trying to keep her hair out of Molly's reach. "No…" He shook his head, "I can't ask…" He stopped and looked at her, "Really? You could do that?" "Sure, I'll just need a ponytail holder."  She grinned, grabbing Molly's hand in hers. "No, I mean you're sure you're free?  You don't have to work?"  Toby gave her a speculative look.  She was always working; Josh usually kept her in the office until all hours and he didn't like to share when it came to Donna. "Nope, he's over at Labor meeting with Kellner and he thinks I'm leaving early tonight anyway.  I had plans to go out, but my friend Kelly just called, she's got that flu bug that's going around… which really bummed me out, because I was looking forward to, you know, getting away from this place for a night… well getting away from Josh really-"   She stopped babbling at the confused, tired look on Toby's face and smiled as she shifted Molly to her other hip, "But on the bright side it does leave me free and able to help you out."   "Well maybe."  He looked hopeful, but unsure whether he should take her up on it. "Toby, seriously, I don't mind.  It will be fun." "Like you said they're a handful…" He questioned, taking her measure. "Taking care of these little ones has got to be easier than taking care of Josh," She laughed.  He gave her a small appreciative nod, before she continued; "Besides you happen to be looking at the busiest babysitter in all of Maple Bluff, Wisconsin circa 1989.  And I'm used to twins. The people that lived next door had twin boys and if I could handle a set of 1-year olds when I was a teenager, I think I can handle them when I'm… well…let's just say older." "Really, Donna, this is very nice of you.  You're sure?"   "Yup."  She looked at him thoughtfully, "How about this, It's 6:30 now, I just need to clear a couple of things off my desk, when I'm done why don't I drive the twins back to your place in your car… you've got car seats right?"  He nodded.  "And then you can bring my car when you're ready to come home tonight." He sighed in relief, "You are a Godsend.  I don't know how to thank you," Toby decided it was no wonder Josh relied on her for everything. ******* Donna was at her desk pulling any and all files that she thought Josh could possibly want before the morning and getting ready to go back to Toby's office to collect her charges when her phone rang. "Josh Lyman." She picked up the receiver. "Donna?"  The voice on the other end questioned. "Yes?" "Donna, Hi, its Andi Wyatt calling." "Oh, Hi Andi, Toby said you were on a plane." "I am, I just used the airfone to check in with him and he told me of our predicament.  You are such a doll to do this, but are you sure it's okay?" Just then Josh entered the bullpen and was surprised and happy to see that Donna was still there.  He thought her plans must have fallen through and he was decidedly relieved.  Even if she was just going out with a girlfriend, he didn't like the idea of her out and about in the D.C. bar scene.  There were dangerous people out there and she was so friendly and open that he worried about her; actually he worried about more than just her safety, but he didn't like to admit that.   She'd probably be disappointed if her plans had cancelled; he'd have to think of something to cheer her up…maybe he'd order Chinese.   That would make her feel better, nothin' like sharing some Lo-Mein to lift the spirits. Donna was seated at her desk now and as such she didn't see that Josh had returned from his meeting early.  She didn't see him come up behind her.  She didn't see that he was about to tap her on the shoulder to alert her to his presence and she certainly didn't see it when his hand stopped midair and he started listening to her telephone conversation. "I promise you, tonight is going to be my pleasure."  Josh was suddenly attentive; maybe her plans didn't fall through after all. "No, I have lots of experience; I've been doing it since I was sixteen. You can rest assured I know what I'm doing."  Sixteen?  What kind of experience was she talking about, the only kind of experience he had heard her talk about involved Freddie Briggs and her first… NO! That couldn't possible be what she'd been doing since she was sixteen… could it? "Don't worry about that, I don't expect you to feed me." She laughed. "It will be nice just to get a little affection."   Josh looked at the back of her head in horror.   Donna, his Donna, was planning a rendezvous with some louse and he wasn't even going to take her to dinner first… must be another Republican. Bastard! "I used to do it for the twins that lived next door to me, Tim and Tom, I could tell you stories…"  Josh put his hands over his ears and backed away.  He couldn't stand hearing another word of Donna arranging to have some torrid sex romp with another gomer. **** Josh had backed up so far he was now out of sight.  When she hung up he took a deep breath and resisted the urge to go lose his lunch.  After waiting for a couple of moments, during which he worked very hard at collecting himself, he took one final deep breath, willed himself to sound normal, bellowed her name and began his re- approach to her desk. "Yes, Josh, I'm right here, no need to yell."  She turned to face him, "How was your meeting?"  He noticed that she glanced up at him with a curious expression like she cared how his meeting went, but he didn't buy it, it was clear that she was getting ready to leave. He ignored her question, "So you're leaving?" "Yes, I told you I had plans tonight and therefore would be leaving at an unprecedented early hour, remember?" "Right, you have plans..." He nodded slowly. "Yes, I do." She answered with a quick smile as she passed him on her way into his office.  "So you're going to have to fend for yourself tonight.  Here are some files that I thought you might need for the thing."  She said as she set them on his desk. He followed her into his office and leaned against the desk, "With Kelly, right?"  He asked quietly, challenging her with the information she'd given him yesterday.  He still felt nauseous, but thought he was doing an admirable job of hiding that fact from her. "What?"  She looked at him a bit astonished that he remembered who her plans were with.  She briefly wondered where he was going with this and why he looked a little green.  Silently she made a note not to let him eat the tuna salad in the mess anymore, out loud she said, "No, Kelly has the flu so I made new plans." "New plans?  What do you mean new plans?" He demanded.  "I gave you the night off so that you could have plans with Kelly, not so that you could have new plans."   "Excuse me?"  She asked as she turned to face him full on, eyes narrowed, her hands coming to rest defiantly on her hips.  "Josh, it is none of your damn business what my plans are or who they are with!" "It is if I give you time off for said plans!"  He huffed.  His anger, which was being fueled by a jealousy that he didn’t understand and obviously couldn't control, was definitely clouding his thinking.  "Donna we are doing critical work right now and we don't have time for you to be off gallivanting with some gomer." "Some gomer?"  She questioned, her voice sounding like it was being chilled in the depths of Siberia. "You are going out on a date with one of your gomers tonight aren't you?"  He asked; his ability to be rational slipping away with every passing moment.   She just stared at him; how dare he pull this crap with her!  She couldn’t remember being this angry at his meddling and there had been times when she'd been livid.   A normal boss would not have the right to question her personal life, period. That there was usually very little personal life to question was beside the point.  She also knew that her relationship with Josh was not normal… in fact she would even admit to having twinges of jealousy herself at times.  Of course, she wouldn't admit it to another living person, but she had grown to the point where she would at least admit it to herself.      She knew she'd done a lousy job of hiding her jealousy over the stargazing NASA Administrator and she knew he'd realized exactly how jealous she was.  And she certainly remembered his reaction; he had loved every minute of her annoyance.  He'd smirked at her and let her think that it might be romantic just to mess with her mind.  Well as far as Donna was concerned, turn about was fair play.  If he wanted to assume she had a date, she wouldn't disabuse him of the notion. Or… she would willfully mislead him, "Yes, Josh, I have a date."  He winced a little at the look on her face.  He could tell by her blazing eyes alone how furious she was, never mind all the other subtle signs like the dangerous tone of her voice or the fact that she looked like she wanted to beat the crap out of him using his backpack as some sort of Medieval mace-like swinging weapon. She continued heatedly, "But he's not a gomer, and I need to leave now or I'm going to be late for my… for my very important, very hot date." And with that she turned and stomped out of his office slamming his door closed with a startling force.  Once at her desk she stopped to gather herself, desperately trying to calm down before heading over to pick up her dates for the evening. **** Josh sat brooding at his desk for the better part of an hour.  A sad lone man, being driven even farther towards the edge of insanity by visions of his assistant, who let's face it he had very un-assistant like feelings for, donning sexy black lingerie in preparation for kinky sex with some unworthy Republican gomer. Of course, in truth, at that moment Donna was less donning sexy black lingerie for an illicit tryst and more trying to dodge the onslaught of smooshed pears and berries that were being flung at her in regular intervals by two future Democrats. He was still cogent enough to realize that torturing his psyche with lusty images of Donna priming herself for sex with someone else, wasn't going to get him anywhere.   What he needed was a game plan.  It should be easy for him, he came up with them everyday.  So he set his rather muddled mind to work on developing a plan to achieve his objective.   The objective was easy, stop Donna from having sexual relations with any and all gomers ever again.  However, right now, he'd settle for stopping her tonight.   Which, when put like that, was fairly easy to accomplish; he just needed to end the date. Come up with a way get her out of there before she did something she'd regret.  Now all he had to do was invent some excuse that was both legitimate and compelling enough to make her forgo the sex and come back to him at work.   Problem was, considering her anger and the fight they'd just had, she might not believe he was calling her with a real emergency or worse she might not take his call at all.  He rubbed his hands over his eyes; what did it say when one of the top political strategists in the country couldn't come up with one lousy stratagem to get his assistant to come back to work.  Maybe he could have someone else call her, someone like Leo… no the President… Yes!  He could have the President call her and tell her she was needed at the White House.  Then she couldn’t refuse.   On his way to have the leader of the free world call his assistant in order to interrupt her gomer sexcapade with a fake national emergency, Josh, thankfully, ran into Charlie outside the Oval Office.  "Hey," Josh grumbled stopping by his desk, "Is the President free?" "Nope, he's on a phone call with Tokyo and it might take awhile." "Oh, I see."  Josh said disappointed. "Is it urgent?  Do you want me to take a message in to him?"  Charlie asked apprehensively looking over the pale, frazzled