Title: The Necessity of Shaving in China Beta'ed: By Kim Post-ep: Change is Gonna Come "Where'd you go last night?" Startled, he looked up to find her standing in his doorway, leaning against the door jam with her arms crossed firmly against her chest. It was a visual as familiar to him as his own reflection. "Huh?" "Last night. I went to poke my head in on the thing… James Taylor was the surprise, by the way… and when I came back you were gone." "Oh…" Josh cleared his throat and looked back to his desk. "I was… um… nowhere, really." "Nowhere, huh…" Donna pushed herself off of the door jam and came to stand in front of his desk. "Did you find your adapter? I can run over to-" "That's not necessary." Josh cut her off with a quick nod and studiously avoided her eye. "What do you mean? You found it?" "No." Josh puffed out his cheeks and looked down at his desk as if he had something extremely important upon which to concentrate. He didn't want to tell her this, tell her about one more humiliating professional slight. They seemed to come one after the other these days. "I won't need it." "You won't need it, because one billion Chinese have suddenly converted to the American electrical standard?" Donna asked, an edge of amusement present in her tone. "Josh, if you don't take the right adapter, not only will you be unable to charge your laptop, more importantly you won't be able to shave and if you don't shave you're going to scare the poor Chinese. You'll look the way you looked in…" Donna stopped abruptly and felt her heart slam against her chest. She'd been about to say Germany. But they didn't really talk about their time in Germany together all that much. Correction, she didn't talk about their time in Germany… at all. Because if they talked about it, they might have to talk about what it meant. It was too much for her, the ramifications of what he'd done were too much to process. Josh glanced up the second she suddenly stopped talking. He knew she had been about to say Germany. But unsure of how to respond, he just stared at her, studied her for a reaction. Was this an opening? If he tried to go there, would she just shut down on him? He watched her face go pale and she appeared to shrink away from him, without actually moving. Nope, not an opening. He cleared his throat and looked back down. "I won't need it because I won't be using my computer in China and I won't be shaving in China." Since Josh was still pretending to be fascinated by something on his desk, he didn't notice that Donna was suddenly fully recovered. As if his ignoring the pink elephant in the room freed her from whatever anxiety had gripped her only moments earlier. She was shaking her head at him. "Josh… of course you-" "I'm not going." He cut her off before she could continue. "What? Why?" She asked carefully, her brow knit into a tight frown. But of course she knew why. She'd seen it coming, but since it didn't happen yesterday she figured everything was okay. Josh looked into her eye and muttered, "Stupid piece of cloth." "The flag? They took you off?" Donna's jaw was tight. Josh nodded, but didn't say anything. "Why? It wasn't your fault! Do they expect you to be the President's gift officer along with everything else?" "It's just politics, Donna." Josh shrugged with a casual indifference that he didn't feel. "That's all you have to say? You're okay with this?" Her voice was incredulous. Why was he so calm? She felt like punching both CJ and the President. And she might have if it weren't for those pesky Secret Service agents that were constantly meandering around. Josh paused for several seconds, his intent gaze drilling into her. "Do I look like I'm okay with it?" For the first time since she'd entered the office, Donna studied him carefully. He looked worn-out, his eyes were tired. As if he hadn't slept much and he was slightly rumpled. Nothing new, he looked that way a lot lately. But he also didn't look okay. "So… what? Now you're the White House scapegoat?" "It's not like that. They need me here. CJ's the one in the room now." He shook his head in resignation, the obvious implication being that he was the guy no longer invited into the room these days. "She's got to go, it's all perception. I'd do the same thing if I were in her position." "But…" Donna searched for an argument. It seemed so unfair. "You worked so hard. We worked so hard…" "Yes," Josh agreed with a small smile. "We did." "So, you found this out yesterday?" When he nodded, she continued, "Why didn't you tell me?" "I… uh… didn't…" Just then it dawned on her and she froze. All the pieces came together. After swallowing carefully, she asked again, "Josh, where were you last night?" "I told you…" "I know. You were nowhere. But you weren't nowhere. You were obviously somewhere…" Josh watched her for a second, weighing his options. Should he tell her where he was? Who he was with? What would she think? Would she approve? And most importantly, if he left, would she come with him? Even if they hadn't been communicating very well lately, they were still 'them.' Things weren't so off between them that she wouldn't want to go with him… were they? He was about to tell her everything. The meeting with Hoynes, his frustration with his new position in the White House... but as he looked back up, he met the eyes he knew so well. The problem was that lately, he had no idea what was going on behind them, and he just couldn't. "I was… it’s not important, Donna." He opened a folder on his desk and pretended to study it. Donna stared at him silently for several seconds before speaking. "Did you meet him?" "Who, Donna?" Josh asked, once again without meeting her eye. She stood perfectly still for several long seconds. She'd thought about leaving her job many times over the last few months. But every time her thoughts grew serious, she put off the decision. At first she'd told herself she'd get serious about it once she was on her feet again, healed. But she was back on her feet, and as much as she was dissatisfied with her job, leaving the White House, leaving Josh, seemed unfathomable. But suddenly, something that had seemed to be all but impossible-- Josh leaving the White House before the end of the term-- appeared to be a very real possibility. It was terrifying, because as much as she knew she needed more, it was comforting knowing where Josh was and that she could stay with him until she was able to make the decision herself. With much bravado she put her hands on her hips and sighed. "Are you leaving?" She'd been going for a casual, almost bored tone, but her voice came out sounding small. "Leaving?" Looking up, he quirked his eyebrow at her in question. "Are you going to take it?" "Take what, Donna?" Josh felt his chest tighten. She obviously knew exactly whom he'd met with the night before. "Come on, Josh, I'm not stupid." She felt every part of her body begin to tense in a sensation that had become all too familiar lately. If he didn't give her a straight answer, she might just jump over the desk and strangle it out of him. "I never said you were. But I still need you to tell me what you're getting at." "Hoynes… Whatever Hoynes is offering you. Did you take it?" She fairly spit the words out. "How did you know?" Josh asked slowly. "’Time to Lead?’ There aren't a whole lot of ways to interpret that, Josh." "See…" Shaking his head, he stood and rounded his desk to the bookshelf. He wasn't exactly sure what he was looking for, but he knew he had to move. "This is why you shouldn't open my presents." "Interesting." Her voice was clipped, she pivoted so that she was staring at his back as he perused the shelves. Who was he kidding? He couldn’t find anything in those binders without her, but she'd let him continue his charade. Donna put her hands on her hips defiantly and pursed her lips. "Just like the way you shouldn't read my cards." "I told you, I thought they were for…" Josh glanced back at her and stopped cold. She obviously wasn't in the mood to buy his story today. "Touché." He went back to looking for nothing on the shelves. "So? What did he offer?" Donna tried for nonchalance, but missed by half. "Everything, Donna. He offered everything." "Are you going to take it?" His back was still turned to her; obviously, he couldn't look at her, which meant he was afraid of her disapproval. She felt trepidation rise in her chest. "I don't know… I haven't done anything… yet." "You're actually considering it!?" She was honestly shocked. Josh never had many complimentary words for John Hoynes. "Maybe… no… I don't know." "Well, what are you thinking? Don’t you think I deserve to know?" Her voice was terse and her body language tight. Josh spun around on her. "You deserve to know what I'm thinking? I'd give my right arm to know what you're thinking right now! For you to tell me something, anything about what's going on with you." Donna's eyes went wide and she froze on the spot. Suddenly, the desire to pour out to him everything she'd been thinking and feeling over the last few months, was overwhelming. The need to throw herself into his arms and cry on his shoulder and hold him tight, irresistible. But, as quickly as the impulse came, it left. Doing all of those things seemed like so much work, work she still wasn't ready for. Besides, she was still angry; he was the one who was thinking of leaving without talking, not her. Well, of course that was a lie, but her leaving didn't affect him as much as his leaving affected her. At least in her mind. Unmoving, they stared at one another across the small space of his office. For a moment Josh saw a glimmer of something in her eye and thought she was going to let him in, but just as quickly, he watched as she once again erected walls around herself. Finally, she let out her breath and looked down at her watch. "You've got a budget meeting in the Roosevelt Room in five minutes." "Okay." Josh sighed; maybe that hadn't been the best approach to get her to open up. And he couldn't really blame her; he hadn't meant to jump down her throat like that. The truth was that he would give anything to know what was going on with her. But he had no idea how to go about it, he wasn't equipped with the necessary skills. She started for the door and deflated, Josh plopped back down in his chair and rested his head on his hand. "Josh." It was almost a full minute later when he heard his name. When he looked up he found her stopped in his door, her back to him, she obviously had never left. Her head was turned to the side so he could see her profile, but she didn't fully look back at him. "Last night… when you said that I take care of you." "Yeah…" He inhaled sharply. "Taking care of you… like that… the way I do… the way I've always done… that was never in my job description." Josh's throat went dry; he had no idea what to say. Finally he stuttered, "I… um… never meant to take advantage of you. Or for you to do anything you weren't comfortable with or…" "What I mean is…" She interrupted him with a tone that he couldn't quite read, but at least didn't seem angry. "…that I never took care of you because it was my job… for better or worse, I took care of you because I wanted to be the one taking care of you. And it's not the taking care of you that I object to necessarily… just the doing it professionally part." She took a deep breath. "I just wanted you to know that." Dumbfounded, Josh watched her go. Then found a ghost of a smile playing across his lips. Maybe a change was the answer… to everything. The End. |
| T H E N E C E S S I T Y O F S H A V I N G I N C H I N A |