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    As Sam wound his way through the bullpen at Transition
    headquarters, he was greeted by a sea of strangers.  He
    was really happy for Josh; ecstatically happy, in fact, as
    no one knew better than he that Josh and Donna were
    meant for one another in an eternal, soul mate kind of
    way.   However, as happy as he was for them, having
    them both gone wasn't the optimal situation for his first
    day.   Out of the corner of his eye, he finally spotted a
    familiar face.  The kid Josh had yelled at. Maybe he
    should be first on the agenda; Sam changed course and
    headed that direction.

    "But he's not-" Otto looked a little distressed as he
    spoke into the phone.  Or tried to speak into the phone;
    whoever was on the other end didn't seem to be giving
    him much of a chance to talk.

    "Ms. Cregg, I don't know-"

    That name, spoken aloud by Otto, caught Sam's full
    attention as he neared the beleaguered younger man.  
    "Do you some need help?"

    Otto covered the mouthpiece of his phone.  "Do you
    know where Josh is?  This is CJ Cregg and she's a little…
    hot under the collar."

    Sam smiled easily. "I'll take it."

    "Ma'am… excuse me… could you hold and I'll transfer
    you.  Thank you."  Otto breathed a sigh of relief and
    then turned to Sam gratefully.  "You can pick her up in
    Josh's office."

    Sam wandered in and sat behind Josh's desk.  It felt
    weird to be back. Really weird.  But not necessarily in a
    bad way, and now at least, in CJ he could tackle
    something familiar.  He hadn't spoken with her for ages;
    it would be good to catch up.  With a grin he picked up
    the receiver and hit the line that was blinking. "CJ?"

    "Josh Lyman, what in the hell was your candidate over
    here talking to the President about?  He put the
    President into a… mood.  I thought I made myself crystal
    clear.  I don't want your guy anywhere near this
    Kazakhstan thing.  What part of that don't you
    understand!?"

    "CJ-" Sam tried to interrupt, feeling his blood pressure
    instantly hit its ceiling. So much for a nice conversation
    with an old friend.

    "I thought that you and I had an understanding. You
    were going to listen to me and rein in Santos.  He has
    no business playing in waters this deep.  And he has no
    business coming over here and haranguing the
    President about it in a private meeting. This country is
    in a state of near-war.  You know, if you can't handle
    your guy, maybe you can't handle the job!" CJ yelled in
    a state of frenzied furor.

    "Jesus Christ, no wonder he had a near-meltdown."  
    Sam rubbed his eyes with exasperation.

    That comment finally brought silence. After a moment,
    CJ asked slowly and in a much calmer tone, "This isn't
    Josh, is it?"

    "No, this isn't Josh. Now that you know it's not your—
    and when did this happen-- favorite whipping boy, do
    you think you can take it down a notch and have a
    civilized conversation?"

    "Spanky?"

    "No. This is Sam Seaborn. Spanky died a horrible death
    four years ago.  Josh is not here; what can I do for you,
    CJ?"

    "I need Josh."

    "Well then, you'll have to wait quite some time; he's
    unreachable. So either you make do with me—but I'll
    warn you right now, I've been working in corporate law,
    which compared to this is surprisingly civilized, for the
    last four years, and don't really respond to screaming
    insults-- or I could always put you through to President-
    elect Santos.  I haven't known him very long, but I don't
    get the idea that he will enjoy being referred to as the
    'candidate' or being lectured to like he's a naughty
    schoolboy by the lame-duck White House Chief of Staff.  
    I don't much enjoy it, either."

    "Well, if he didn't act like a naughty schoolboy, I
    wouldn't have to lecture him like one," CJ retorted hotly.

    Sam searched back and tried to remember how best to
    deal with an angry CJ.  He took a different tack. "I
    thought President-elect Santos had a meeting with
    President Bartlet today."

    "He did."

    "Okay, so what is this about?  Do you somehow think
    you're going to make more of an impact by screeching
    and insulting Josh, then the President made on the
    President-elect in person?"

    At that, CJ was silent.

    "What was said in that meeting that a screaming match
    between you and Josh after the fact is going to be able
    to fix?"

    "That's why I'm calling Josh.  I don't know what was said
    in that meeting," CJ replied heatedly.

    "Okay, now we're getting somewhere."  Sam sighed.  
    "So basically, you're just beating up on Josh because
    you're feeling ineffectual in your job."

    "You don't know what you're talking about, Sam."

    "Yeah, I really do.  Damn… it sounds like you could use
    a vacation as badly as Josh."

    "What are you, his attack dog now?"  CJ smarted.  Sam
    felt anger rise in his chest at the comment, but then he
    thought about it. He was to be Josh to Josh's Leo.  And if
    anything, Josh had been fiercely protective of both Leo
    and the President.  Bartlet's pit bull.  He could do that,
    too, so he bared his teeth.

    "If this is an example of your diplomacy skills, it's
    suddenly completely clear why you're leaving this
    country on the brink of war, and in so doing, leaving a
    huge mess for the Santos administration to clean up."

    Stunned, CJ was silent for a moment before exploding.  
    "How dare you. Who in the hell are you?"

    "I'm the Deputy Chief of Staff of the next administration
    and you're stuck with me.  It doesn't feel good to have
    your professional capabilities questioned by someone
    you respect, does it, CJ?  Why don't we start over?"

    "What?" At that, CJ was surprised enough to forget her
    anger for a moment.

    "This has been a very ugly conversation, and since it's
    the first one I've had with a dear old friend in a very
    long time, I would have really liked if it had gone better
    than this."

    "Sam, that's-"

    But Sam wasn't listening. He interrupted her by
    pretending to answer the phone. "Hello."

    "This is ridicul-"

    "Hello, is anyone there?"

    Silence greeted him on the other end of the line.
    Finally, Sam shrugged. "Hmm, guess no one's there.
    Goodbye."

    "Sam, its CJ."

    "CJ! CJ Cregg, how are you?"  Sam responded in a jovial
    tone.

    "Okay, I get it. I was a little harsh when you answered
    and I thought you were Josh."

    "Yes, you were. But I can trust you're over that?"

    "Yes, I'm completely calm now. May I speak to him?"

    "Still no."

    "You can tell him he doesn't have to hide behind you.
    I'm not going to yell at him."

    "He's not hiding behind me; last time I checked, Josh
    Lyman didn't hide behind anyone. But you're damn right
    you're not going to yell at him."  

    Stunned, CJ sat on the other end of the phone. At what
    point had she lost control of the conversation?  
    Resigned, she finally sighed. "I apologize."

    "Thank you. Apology accepted.  How are you?"

    "I'm fine."

    "Really?" Sam asked, not buying it at all.

    "Okay, maybe a little stressed."

    "That's a more honest answer.  Funny, there's a lot of
    that going around in this town."

    "I take it that's your way of telling me Josh is stressed?"

    "Yes."

    "So, what… he went home early?"

    "No, he's gone for a week.  On vacation. Unreachable."

    "Josh Lyman went on vacation?"  Now CJ was too
    surprised to hold on to any of her anger.

    "Yes."

    "He left town. Just like that?"

    "Yes."

    "Of his own accord."

    "He may have had a nudge."

    "What kind of nudge?"

    "I told him that I wouldn't stay unless he took the
    vacation."

    "So you're just on fire today."

    "I like to think so," Sam replied a bit distractedly; his
    attention was suddenly captured by a disheveled dark-
    haired woman who seemed to be pacing in front of his
    door. She reminded him of a… Muppet.  An angry
    Muppet.  It was probably the eyebrows.

    "Where did he go?" CJ asked curiously.

    Sam shook his head and re-focused on the phone
    conversation.  "A tropical beach. I'm told there is to be
    sun, sand and adult beverages with little umbrellas."

    "You can tell me where he's going; I'm not going to try
    and call the hotel or anything," CJ replied a little huffily.

    "I really don't know," Sam lied.

    "Sam."

    "Seriously, I don't know. I guess I forgot to ask. But
    think ‘romantic tropical paradise.’"  Sam actually did
    know, but he was determined that no one else would
    know until Josh and Donna got back.  

    "Oh…" CJ still couldn't contain her surprise.  "Well, a
    tropical paradise… that is a vacation.  A real vacation."

    "Yes."

    "It's a shame he doesn't have anyone to share it with,"
    CJ said, trying to sound sympathetic, but the words
    actually came out with a bit of condescension.

    "Who said he's going alone," Sam replied, feeling a little
    smug.  

    "He's not going alone?" Surprise, once again, rang
    through CJ's voice.

    "Nope."

    "Who is he with?"

    "Who do you think?"

    "His mother?"

    "You think going with his mother would be a romantic
    getaway?" Sam asked with a cringe. "Do you have some
    Oedipal fantasies I don't know about?"

    "So I take it's not his mother," CJ intoned dryly.

    "No, thank God."

    "Then who?"

    "Girlfriend, soulmate, love of his life… I'm not sure what
    the kids are calling it these days," Sam replied simply,
    enjoying teasing her.  All these people had gotten really
    uptight in his absence.

    "Love of his life?"  Now CJ burst out laughing, obviously
    feeling a little less uptight. "Josh?  Josh doesn't have a
    love of his life."

    "Doesn't he?"

    She laughed. "Come on, Josh with a love of his life? A
    girlfriend? A soul-" It was that last one that clicked. She
    stopped abruptly as the truth finally dawned on her.
    "You don't mean…"

    "Now you're catching on."

    "Donna did not go on vacation with him." CJ stated it as
    if it were fact.

    "Unless they missed their plane, she did."

    "That's impossible."

    "It's really not."

    "But she's spent several nights at my place since the
    election.  If they are at the point of going on a romantic
    tropical getaway, why wasn't she staying with him?"

    He had to admit it was a reasonable question. "I don't
    know. I just know it's new, but if you ask me, it's about
    the oldest new relationship ever.  And I know that Josh
    is determined to get a life, and in a surprise twist that
    really none of us should find shocking, apparently to
    Josh that means Donna."

    CJ sat in silent surprise on the other end of the line, but
    then shook her head.  "I can tell you from experience, if
    he thinks he's gonna do this job and have a life-"

    Sam cut her off unceremoniously. "There's more than
    one way to skin a cat, CJ."

    With amusement she replied, "Are you calling me a cat?"

    Sam thought about that for a moment. "No, I'm calling
    the job a cat."

    "Are you sure?"

    "Positive.  The job's the cat and you're the one…
    skinning it or something."

    "I think I'd rather be the cat."

    "Wouldn't we all," Sam agreed with a chuckle, before
    looking back up only to see that the Muppet woman was
    still pacing outside his office. "CJ, I have an angry-
    looking woman standing at my door.  Maybe we can
    have lunch sometime and catch up.  I'll tell you about
    my fiancée."

    "You have a fiancée?"  CJ shrieked.

    "I do."

    "Wow, you are just full of all sorts of juicy gossip today."
    She paused for a beat before starting, "So I guess that
    means…"

    "Yeah?"

    "It's not just Josh. Everyone's getting a life?"

    "I guess so.  Getting a life… it's the new black."

    She snorted. "Maybe I should try that."

    "Maybe you should. It's a great de-stresser.   So you'll
    have Margaret call and set up that lunch?"

    "Yes."  She nodded vigorously, and for the first time in
    the conversation, found herself smiling. "But Sam, let's
    get one thing straight?"

    "What's that?" He felt himself tense at her tone.

    "You will always, for the rest of your life and beyond, be
    Spanky to me."

    "Great." Sam rolled his eyes, but he couldn't fully
    suppress a grin as he hung up the phone.

    The End.
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Talking to the Grouches
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